Chan turns chibi

In an unprecedented surgical procedure, Hong Kong movie star, Jackie Chan becomes Chibi Chan.

Don't save Private Damon

I'm sure you've heard about the 20 ABC stations that are electing to not air "Saving Private Ryan" on Veteran's Day because of fear of recent FCC rulings about obscenities, etc.. In addition to graphic violence, "Saving Private Ryan" includes the use of the 'F' word 47 times & other choice language. Some people don't think this is appropriate during prime time.

I have an additional objection to the movie. Private Ryan is played by Ben Affleck's butt-boy pal, Matt Damon. Had it been up to me, Private Ryan would most assuredly not been saved; Private Ryan would've been killed in cold blood by our side. But hey, that's just me.

Please know that Stephen Spielberg has issued an edict that the film must be shown in its entirety or it isn't shown at all. No editing is allowed. None.

Spielberg is being a bit of a diva, don't you think? But hey, that's just me.

Too bad there aren't any other war movies, suitable for all audiences, that can be shown on TV on Veteran's Day...

wait, there are...here are just a few:

The Fighting Seabees
Sands of Iwo Jima
The Longest Day
Battle of The Bulge
The Green Berets
Hellcats of The Navy
Run Silent, Run Deep
Away All Boats
The Bridges At Toko Ri
Tora Tora Tora
Midway
Wake Island
Anzio
To Hell and Back
From Here to Eternity
From Hell to Eternity
Torpedo Run
Guadalcanal Diaries
Fireball Forward
The Bridge Over the River Kwai
King Rat
Stalag 17
The Great Escape

I could go on all night...

Rabble removes rubble

Bulldozer removes rubble in preparation of burial site of Yasser Arafat at his headquarters in the West Bank city of Ramallah.

Veteran's Day

Thank you for your service to our country.

Godspeed to the men & women fighting the good fight today.

In the continued absence of Arafat...

Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qureia balances on his head a photo of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat during a Cabinet meeting at Arafat's Ramallah compound in the West Bank.

"We're trying to see who can hold it up the longest," said Mr. Qureia, "It helps pass the time."

Unilateralism?...Mais non!

From The Daily Telegraph:
Chirac rushes in...

"What does President Jacques Chirac think he is doing in Ivory Coast? Last week, government forces broke an 18-month ceasefire with rebels in the north of the country, and on Saturday killed nine French peacekeepers in an air raid on the rebel stronghold of Bouaké. Mr Chirac responded by ordering the destruction of most of the (tiny) Ivorian air force. That has provoked protests and looting in the commercial capital, Abidjan, leading the Elysée to raise its forces in Ivory Coast to 5,000 in order to protect the 14,000 French nationals living there. The parliamentary speaker, Mamadou Koulibaly, has accused the former colonial power of occupying his country and warned of a war "worse than Vietnam". That is the language of a demagogue. Nevertheless, Mr Chirac's impetuosity has embroiled France in a confrontation from which there is no easy exit."

I guess we missed Monsieur Chirac's appeal to the UN Security Council for permission prior to France's unilateral invasion of Cote d'Ivoire.

Happy 229th Birthday & OohRah!

United States Marine Corps...established 11/10/1775...and still going strong.

Spot The Queen

Colonel Simon West, 1st Battalion of the Argyll & Sutherland Highlanders puts on his own show while posing with Queen Elizabeth.

Is Sal short for Mustafa or Mohammed?

A Shell gas station on E. Busch Blvd. in Tampa was found to be selling "Burning in the Sand", a 90 minute DVD that chronicles years of gruesome Saddam Hussein torture and the beheading of two Americans, including Nick Berg.

"Sal", the station's assistant manager [pictured above] couldn't explain why the station was selling it, but he admitted that it made him sick when he watched it over & over & over. His brothers, "Tony", "Vito", "Giovanni", "Ian", & "Sean" couldn't explain why the DVD was being sold at a gas station in America either.

Go figure.

Pinky minus Brain joins Peterson jury

Alternate juror #2, Pinky, [shown here with Brain] joins the Peterson trial jury when a juror was removed for bad juror behavior.

The juror's offense? Trying to ferret out the truth.

Post-election selection trauma...PEST?

Following George Bush's 2004 election win, psychologists report an increase in Kerry supporters reporting symptoms of post-election selection trauma (PEST) which include severe depression, anxiety, and spontaneous projectile weeping (pictured above).

Michael Moore Canada bound

Joining the ranks of many disgruntled Kerry voters, millionaire "documentary" filmmaker, Michael Moore, charters a massive crane to move his big lardbutt to Canada.

The Red Universe!

A galactic map showing the light years that went for Bush?

No...

Actually, this is a photo of a second black hole found lurking at the center of our galaxy. According to the Institute of Astrophysics in Paris, IRS-13E, is 1,300 times the mass of our sun, and has been found orbiting ~3 light years from its supermassive cousin, Sagittarius A*, a black hole 2.6 million times more massive than our sun.

In Arafat's absence

Tayeb Abdel Rahim, senior Yasser Arafat aide, does his best impression of the Dome of the Rock mosque during his boss' recent hospitalization. "It helps pass the time," Rahim told reporters.

Operation Phantom Fury

Hell is coming to the terrorists in Fallujah...finally.

Too bad you didn't make our day that day...

John Hinckley, Jr., shown here in a self-portrait that, unfortunately, wasn't self-actualizing, now wants 5-day, unsupervised visits to his parents' home in Virginia.

Someone please remind John Hinckley that the reason he's not still living in his parents' basement today, is that he chose to attempt to assassinate President Reagan in 1981.

The answer, I hope, will be, "NO, you loon. Stop asking!"

Transcendental Yasser

Recent photos of Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat, may indicate that he is tranforming into an pure energy being, according to French doctors.

"De struggle to retain power ees very strong een dis man," said Dr.Pierre Lepieu, one of Arafat's physicians. "Dis is unparalleled een medicine, but I have seen eet een Star Trek."

Let them eat locusts

Rome-based Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) recommends that Cypriot farmers eat the locusts that have swarmed into their eastern Mediterranean countries from Africa.

"Here are a few local recipies from locust-affected countries," a page on the FAO web site says, "Please send us yours!"

"Take several dozen locust adults, preferably female, slit the abdomen lengthwise and stuff a peanut inside," one Cambodiam recipe suggested. "Then lightly cook the locusts in a wok or hot frying pan, adding a little oil & salt to tase. Be careful not to overcook or burn them."

Isn't that a typical U.N. response to all problems: never provide a real solution, just an unpalatable one?

Klingons Google too.

Qapla'!

klingon google

Anti-Bushites...this call's for you.

Can you hear me now?





[photo thanks to Mad Cow]

No more mustard yellow jacket!

One more reason to celebrate President Bush's re-election...

Novel uses for origami

Students at a Rome design school, inspired by origami, have come up with a folding cardboard home for use by street people.


The Quasar Institute is hoping to find volunteers once the kinks are worked out with the homes.

The buckeye stops here

For months, Kerry carried around a lucky buckeye - a type of chestnut that is the symbol of Ohio - in his right jacket pocket. In the wee hours of Election Day, Kerry touched down in Toledo and reached for the talisman to show the crowd greeting him at the airport. The buckeye fell to the stage, slipping from his eager fingers. Twenty-four hours later, so would the state that held all his hopes.
-Helen Kennedy, New York Daily News

Thank you, Ohio!

From the publishing room floor...

[photo thanks to www.matthowell.com]

Moore fulfills pre-election vow

Fulfilling his pre-election vow to fed his liver to a polar bear if the idiot Bush wins the election, film maker Michael Moore fed his liver to a polar bear today.

Milo, the clean cat

8 week old kitten catnaps in washing machine and lives to meow again. Milo's owner, Ginny Troth, only realized where the inquisitive kitty might be halfway through the wash cycle.

"Blimey," said Ms. Troth, "I'm just relieved I didn't buy the washer with the acid cycle."

Arafat enters own pool

"Put me down for two dinars," says Palestinian leader, Yassir Arafat, joining the informal pool going around The Compound predicting the time of his own demise.

All the news that's fit to print.

Romanian paper headline reads: "Bush/Cheney:Another Four Years in the White House."



In contrast, the UK's Daily Mirror headline reads: "How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB."

Not just the facts anymore.

Cartoon physics does work!

Tragedy was averted in the aftermath of an unfortunate steamroller accident when the two victims were picked up and shook until they returned to normal.

Double rainbow over Baghdad

The news of the re-election of George W. Bush spread quickly through Iraq.

In contrast, several thousand Iraqis burned U.S. flags and Bush effigies marking the 25th anniversary of the storming of the U.S. embassy in Tehran & the taking of 52 hostages for 444 days...the legacy of Jimmy Carter.

It's unfortunate that the American voters didn't make Carter follow in the tradition of Stevenson, McGovern, Mondale, & Kerry.