Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Hurrican Season Ends...Officially

Just a reminder...
Nature doesn't follow artificial human constructs such as calendars.

Officially hurricane season is over, but we Floridians will continue to keep plenty of plywood on hand as we watch the tropics with no small trepidation.

Separated At Birth

Evil arch-villain, Mojo Jojo, has admitted that he and Kojo Annan are fraternal twins who were separated at birth. Mr. Jojo explained that he was adopted by the Jojos, while Kojo was adopted by the Annans.

Mojo admits to repeated attempts at conquering the world and spreading evil, but denies any complicity in the scandal that has embroiled his brother Kojo, the Swiss firm Cotecna, and the U.N. Oil For Food program. "We're not even close." Mojo confided.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Ukrainians Demand New Election

Mooshski, a feline denizen of the Ukraine, decrees that a new election for president will be conducted in order to end the weeklong stand off in the bitterly divided former Soviet republic.

Chocolate Cough Rx

Theobromine, an ingredient in chocolate, has been found to be nearly 1/3 more effective in stopping persistent coughs than codeine & with fewer side effects.

Test trials will continue, especially after one patient, pictured above, reported that his persistent coughing had subsided, however, he reported subsequently developing a generalized feeling of ickiness all over his body.

Researchers add that perhaps they will switch to an oral preparation rather than the topical ointment they've been testing.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Mystery ailment surrounds Yushchenko

Mystery surrounds Ukraine's popular pro-Western opposition leader's mystery ailment.

Since 9/10/04, Viktor Yushchenko's appearance-altering sickness has twice prompted him to check into Vienna's private Rudolfinerhaus clinic. Speculation of the cause of the mystery ailment has run the gamut from bad sushi to deliberate poisoning by his enemies using toxins from biological weapons.

Attending physician, Dr. Nicolai Korpan, who oversaw treatment at the exclusive Rudolfinerhaus clinic, says the cause of Yushchenko's illness is "totally open". When pressed, however, Dr. Korpan added, "I have never seen eating bad sushi induce a teardrop-shaped head in any of my other patients."

Saturday, November 27, 2004

The only good Che...

Burlington Coat Factory's idiotic holiday ad campaign in Time magazine features baby
onesies with photos of communist revolutionary & mass murderer, Che Guevara, on the front.

As a result of this poor judgement call, well-intentioned people are calling for a boycott of Burlington Coat Factory on December 4th, 2004.

Boycott, if you want, but remember:

A boycott will hurt BCF stockholders who probably didn't approve of or even know about this particular clothing line.

A boycott will hurt other clothing lines sold at BCF who don't make "chic" fashion statements with the likes of bloody killers.

The BLOG believes the proper response is for people not to buy this CRUD! Leave it on the shelves. Walk on by & spend your money on something else.

That way, only the leftist BCF buyer who ordered this odious merchandise line will suffer & not the innocents who had nothing to do with the decision to market mass murder by glorifying a failed revolutionary as icon.

It has been my experience that most supporters of el Che don't have a good handle on the study of history, because if they did, they would realize the lunacy of their actions & similar to wearing a UBL shirt today. It is a mistake to glorify the perverted ideation of these men & the deaths & suferring it has caused in the world.

However, if you must have a Che shirt, The BLOG recommends one like this:

...a dead Che is the best Che.

[The BLOG wants to thank baldilocks.typepad.com/ and babaluBlog.com/ for bringing the whole thing to our attention]

Friday, November 26, 2004

Can Dan Completely

CBS should toss Anchor Rather from the U.S.S. 60 Minutes before he runs that ship into a sandbar.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Retiring Rather

CBS Evening News anchor, Dan Rather, pictured here in happier times with a close friend, has announced he is stepping down from the anchor position in March 2005.

Rather will continue to push his liberal agenda fulltime as a news correspondent for 60 Minutes I and II.

Ol' Dirty Bastard...

Telling The BLOG that reports of his recent death were highly exaggerated, Ol' Dirty Bastard was found sleeping in a cardboard box on the streets of Hong Kong.

The old dirty bastard also told us he goes by Stinky, for short.

Dentition As Art

Bulgarian born American artist Christo & his wife, French born American Jean-Claude, announce their newest collaborative project, "The Gates" in Central Park, NY.

Consisting of 7,500 gates with hanging saffron-colored fabric panels lining 23 miles of pedestrian paths, the project was insprired by Jean-Claude's large saffron-colored teeth, and will be unfurled in February, 2005.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Time on their hands.

Pistons & Pacers basketball brawlers have volunteered to serve as jurors for the penalty phase of the Scott Peterson trial if a new jury is allowed by the court.

Bongos in Chile

Madcap hilarity ensues at the Asian Pacific summit in Santiago, Chile as President Bush prepares to play bongos atop the head of the Chilean President, Ricardo Lagos.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Puffy Museum Piece Pilfered

Two days after being immortalized in the Smithsonian Institute as a pop culture icon, The Puffy Shirt from the Seinfeld show, was stolen by aging actor, Sean Connery.

When pressed for comment, Mr. Connery implicated Crazy Joe Divola as a co-conspirator in the theft.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Clinton Lie-brary

The 165,ooo square foot Clinton Presidential Center in Little Rock, Arkansas, brought to us courtesy of rich contributors such as songwriter Denise Rich, ex-wife of fugitive financier, Marc Rich, who was pardoned by Clinton in exchange for a hefty $450,000 donation to the Clinton Library Fund.

$165 million for a monolithic glass & steel edifice that looks like a trailer.

How fitting is that?

Friday, November 19, 2004

Second chance for Leonids tonight

In case you didn't see any meteor showers on Wednesday, some meteor researchers
such as Jeremie Vaubaillon of France, David Asher of Ireland and Esko Lyytinen of Finland, who have examined Leonid prospects for this year, suggest watching for some meteor activity on Nov. 19, as well.

Michael Moore Europe bound

Angered by Kerry's election loss, millionaire "documentary" filmmaker, Michael Moore, has chartered a tanker to sail his big lardbutt to Europe.

Perhaps you should super-size that tanker...

Bush basher get the boot!

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin booted a vocal anti-Bush critic from the Liberal Party's parliamentary caucus on Thursday, further weakening his minority government's already tenuous grip on power.

MP Carolyn Parrish, known for stomping on a Bush doll, was herself given the boot by PM Martin, not for her outspoken anti-Americanism, but for criticising PM Martin's leadership.

Perhaps ex-MP Parrish should invest in a Musical Therapy Turtle.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Angry cow!

A second case of mad cow disease may have turned up in the United States but the suspect meat has not entered the food chain, Agriculture Department officials said Thursday, as they headed out to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch.

When asked if the American meat supply was safe, Agriculture Department officials said it was perfectly safe, as long as you didn't ingest it.

Treatment for P.E.S.T. sufferers

Post Election Stress Trauma (P.E.S.T) got you down?

Still seriously bummed about Kerry's election loss?

Try a little musical turtle therapy. His soothing song provides instant stress relief. Activates with a hand clap or a press of a button.

The perfect gift for the distraught Democrats in your life.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Colin out; Condi in

Dr.Condoleezza Rice is chosen to be America's 66th Secretary of State, an office first held by Thomas Jefferson.

As President Bush said, "The Secretary of State is America's face to the world. And, in Dr. Rice, the world will see the strength, the grace and the decency of our country."

The genesis of the name Condoleezza is amusing. Her parents loved music and were influenced by the term, 'Con Dolcezza', which in Italian means, 'sweetly, softly'.
If one's name is any indication of success, Dr. Rice has the perfect one for the job.

Condi will get America's point across to the world, sweetly & softly, without ruffling any feathers.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Leonid meteor showers

Leonids are leftover bits of debris from comet Tempel-Tuttle which swings by earth every 33 years. T.T. has dozens of these debris trails & they are concentrated in a spot the Earth encounters every November.

To watch this year's shower, head outside after midnight tonight, & scan the skies. If its clear, you won't be able to miss them.

Memo to MoveOn.org: Move on!

From The Washington Times:

"A liberal tax-exempt organization that raised millions of dollars to try to defeat President Bush has begun a petition and fund-raising campaign questioning the legitimacy of his Nov. 2 victory. MoveOn.org, which says it has 2.3 million members, is asking for signatures and cash to challenge through an "Investigate the Vote" campaign whether voters "were wrongly prevented from voting" and whether legitimate votes were "miscounted or not counted at all." The organization, which received significant financial help from billionaire currency trader George Soros, who spent millions to defeat Mr. Bush, is looking to present petitions to members of Congress to demand an investigation into "the integrity of the voting process" during the November elections. "

You want to blow your money, go right ahead. You're free to do so. Really. G'ahead.

But guess what, you still don't get it & , at the rate you're going, you never will.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Get a grip, dude

Another tragic tale of Post-election stress trauma:

From PAGE SIX : VINCENT D'Onofrio, the star of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," passed out while shooting the hit TV series yesterday morning — prompting insiders to gossip that the actor is "losing it."
"Ever since John Kerry lost the election, [D'Onofrio] has lost his [bleep,]" said our on-set insider.
"He has been getting into fistfights with people, and when he passed out today, we all thought he was faking it. But then he insisted they call 911." D'Onofrio, a big Kerry supporter, was said to be devastated over President Bush's re-election. "When PAGE SIX [last week] wrote about 'Law & Order' putting up signs forbidding political discussions on set, it was funny," our source said. "Those signs were put up because of [D'Onofrio]." About a month before the election, D'Onofrio "insisted" on putting up anti-Bush posters and fliers, "and would attack anyone who disagreed with him," the spy added. D'Onofrio's co-stars, Kathryn Erbe, Jamey Sheridan and Courtney B. Vance, are said to be fed up with his antics. "No one — and I do mean no one — talks to him anymore," the insider added. [Page Six]

I don't know about you, but I find it very comforting that the typical American voter doesn't agree with Vincent's views, but that's just me.

Early Kerry-Heinz photo

The BLOG exclusive...early photos of John Kerry & then girlfriend, Tuh-Ray-Zuh Heinz, as she checks his teeth prior to agreeing to his marriage proposal.

Beam me up, Scotty.

This Star Trek Communicator uses Bluetooth to connect to your cell phone as a hands free device, meaning you can keep your actual phone in your inside pocket and use the Communicator like it was the real deal.

Cool, huh?

I think I'll wait for the model that clips on to your shirt making it a truly hands free hands free device.

Comrade Strom

Senator Strom Thurmond (R-SC) was the nation's longest serving senator. It was public knowledge that Thurmond changed his public opposition to segregation, but few were aware that before his death in 2003, he became a Communist Chinese.

Chan turns chibi

In an unprecedented surgical procedure, Hong Kong movie star, Jackie Chan becomes Chibi Chan.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Don't save Private Damon

I'm sure you've heard about the 20 ABC stations that are electing to not air "Saving Private Ryan" on Veteran's Day because of fear of recent FCC rulings about obscenities, etc.. In addition to graphic violence, "Saving Private Ryan" includes the use of the 'F' word 47 times & other choice language. Some people don't think this is appropriate during prime time.

I have an additional objection to the movie. Private Ryan is played by Ben Affleck's butt-boy pal, Matt Damon. Had it been up to me, Private Ryan would most assuredly not been saved; Private Ryan would've been killed in cold blood by our side. But hey, that's just me.

Please know that Stephen Spielberg has issued an edict that the film must be shown in its entirety or it isn't shown at all. No editing is allowed. None.

Spielberg is being a bit of a diva, don't you think? But hey, that's just me.

Too bad there aren't any other war movies, suitable for all audiences, that can be shown on TV on Veteran's Day...

wait, there are...here are just a few:

The Fighting Seabees
Sands of Iwo Jima
The Longest Day
Battle of The Bulge
The Green Berets
Hellcats of The Navy
Run Silent, Run Deep
Away All Boats
The Bridges At Toko Ri
Tora Tora Tora
Wake Island
To Hell and Back
From Here to Eternity
From Hell to Eternity
Torpedo Run
Guadalcanal Diaries
Fireball Forward
The Bridge Over the River Kwai
King Rat
Stalag 17
The Great Escape

I could go on all night...

Rabble removes rubble

Bulldozer removes rubble in preparation of burial site of Yasser Arafat at his headquarters in the West Bank city of Ramallah.

Veteran's Day

Thank you for your service to our country.

Godspeed to the men & women fighting the good fight today.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

In the continued absence of Arafat...

Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qureia balances on his head a photo of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat during a Cabinet meeting at Arafat's Ramallah compound in the West Bank.

"We're trying to see who can hold it up the longest," said Mr. Qureia, "It helps pass the time."

Unilateralism?...Mais non!

From The Daily Telegraph:
Chirac rushes in...

"What does President Jacques Chirac think he is doing in Ivory Coast? Last week, government forces broke an 18-month ceasefire with rebels in the north of the country, and on Saturday killed nine French peacekeepers in an air raid on the rebel stronghold of Bouaké. Mr Chirac responded by ordering the destruction of most of the (tiny) Ivorian air force. That has provoked protests and looting in the commercial capital, Abidjan, leading the Elysée to raise its forces in Ivory Coast to 5,000 in order to protect the 14,000 French nationals living there. The parliamentary speaker, Mamadou Koulibaly, has accused the former colonial power of occupying his country and warned of a war "worse than Vietnam". That is the language of a demagogue. Nevertheless, Mr Chirac's impetuosity has embroiled France in a confrontation from which there is no easy exit."

I guess we missed Monsieur Chirac's appeal to the UN Security Council for permission prior to France's unilateral invasion of Cote d'Ivoire.

Happy 229th Birthday & OohRah!

United States Marine Corps...established 11/10/1775...and still going strong.

Spot The Queen

Colonel Simon West, 1st Battalion of the Argyll & Sutherland Highlanders puts on his own show while posing with Queen Elizabeth.

Is Sal short for Mustafa or Mohammed?

A Shell gas station on E. Busch Blvd. in Tampa was found to be selling "Burning in the Sand", a 90 minute DVD that chronicles years of gruesome Saddam Hussein torture and the beheading of two Americans, including Nick Berg.

"Sal", the station's assistant manager [pictured above] couldn't explain why the station was selling it, but he admitted that it made him sick when he watched it over & over & over. His brothers, "Tony", "Vito", "Giovanni", "Ian", & "Sean" couldn't explain why the DVD was being sold at a gas station in America either.

Go figure.

Pinky minus Brain joins Peterson jury

Alternate juror #2, Pinky, [shown here with Brain] joins the Peterson trial jury when a juror was removed for bad juror behavior.

The juror's offense? Trying to ferret out the truth.

Post-election selection trauma...PEST?

Following George Bush's 2004 election win, psychologists report an increase in Kerry supporters reporting symptoms of post-election selection trauma (PEST) which include severe depression, anxiety, and spontaneous projectile weeping (pictured above).

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Michael Moore Canada bound

Joining the ranks of many disgruntled Kerry voters, millionaire "documentary" filmmaker, Michael Moore, charters a massive crane to move his big lardbutt to Canada.

The Red Universe!

A galactic map showing the light years that went for Bush?


Actually, this is a photo of a second black hole found lurking at the center of our galaxy. According to the Institute of Astrophysics in Paris, IRS-13E, is 1,300 times the mass of our sun, and has been found orbiting ~3 light years from its supermassive cousin, Sagittarius A*, a black hole 2.6 million times more massive than our sun.

Monday, November 08, 2004

In Arafat's absence

Tayeb Abdel Rahim, senior Yasser Arafat aide, does his best impression of the Dome of the Rock mosque during his boss' recent hospitalization. "It helps pass the time," Rahim told reporters.

Operation Phantom Fury

Hell is coming to the terrorists in Fallujah...finally.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Too bad you didn't make our day that day...

John Hinckley, Jr., shown here in a self-portrait that, unfortunately, wasn't self-actualizing, now wants 5-day, unsupervised visits to his parents' home in Virginia.

Someone please remind John Hinckley that the reason he's not still living in his parents' basement today, is that he chose to attempt to assassinate President Reagan in 1981.

The answer, I hope, will be, "NO, you loon. Stop asking!"

Transcendental Yasser

Recent photos of Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat, may indicate that he is tranforming into an pure energy being, according to French doctors.

"De struggle to retain power ees very strong een dis man," said Dr.Pierre Lepieu, one of Arafat's physicians. "Dis is unparalleled een medicine, but I have seen eet een Star Trek."

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Let them eat locusts

Rome-based Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) recommends that Cypriot farmers eat the locusts that have swarmed into their eastern Mediterranean countries from Africa.

"Here are a few local recipies from locust-affected countries," a page on the FAO web site says, "Please send us yours!"

"Take several dozen locust adults, preferably female, slit the abdomen lengthwise and stuff a peanut inside," one Cambodiam recipe suggested. "Then lightly cook the locusts in a wok or hot frying pan, adding a little oil & salt to tase. Be careful not to overcook or burn them."

Isn't that a typical U.N. response to all problems: never provide a real solution, just an unpalatable one?

Friday, November 05, 2004

Klingons Google too.


klingon google

Anti-Bushites...this call's for you.

Can you hear me now?

[photo thanks to Mad Cow]

No more mustard yellow jacket!

One more reason to celebrate President Bush's re-election...

Novel uses for origami

Students at a Rome design school, inspired by origami, have come up with a folding cardboard home for use by street people.

The Quasar Institute is hoping to find volunteers once the kinks are worked out with the homes.

The buckeye stops here

For months, Kerry carried around a lucky buckeye - a type of chestnut that is the symbol of Ohio - in his right jacket pocket. In the wee hours of Election Day, Kerry touched down in Toledo and reached for the talisman to show the crowd greeting him at the airport. The buckeye fell to the stage, slipping from his eager fingers. Twenty-four hours later, so would the state that held all his hopes.
-Helen Kennedy, New York Daily News

Thank you, Ohio!

From the publishing room floor...

[photo thanks to www.matthowell.com]

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Moore fulfills pre-election vow

Fulfilling his pre-election vow to fed his liver to a polar bear if the idiot Bush wins the election, film maker Michael Moore fed his liver to a polar bear today.

Milo, the clean cat

8 week old kitten catnaps in washing machine and lives to meow again. Milo's owner, Ginny Troth, only realized where the inquisitive kitty might be halfway through the wash cycle.

"Blimey," said Ms. Troth, "I'm just relieved I didn't buy the washer with the acid cycle."

Arafat enters own pool

"Put me down for two dinars," says Palestinian leader, Yassir Arafat, joining the informal pool going around The Compound predicting the time of his own demise.