Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

And health, wealth, & happiness for the new year!

God bless us all. Everyone.

Friday, December 24, 2004


Tonight's the night for Santa to visit our homes in the dead of night...
but the bearded man in red scare some kiddies...
Find a gallery of scared of Santa photos here

This one is my favorite...
...a Category 5 scream & the presence of mind to hang on to her candy...

[The BLOG tips its hat to baldilocks for the link]

Cat Clone Goes Bad

Without a mother or litter mates to teach him the ways of a cat, Little Fluffy, clone of Fluffy, lives a life of dissipation...

Bad habits learned from the wealthy humans who ordered his cloning, a dissolute indulgence in pleasure is all he knows.

Genetic Saving & Clone said its new cloning technique, developed by animal cloning pioneer James Robl has improved survival rates, health, & appearance, but warns that there are still variables they can't control. "The technology is improving all the time." added the company spokesman.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Clone This Cat?

Would you clone Kinky for $50,000?

This is my cat Kinky...

A tortie beyond compare...

One of the sweetest cats I've ever known...

One of the most loving cats I've ever known...

Would I clone her for $50,000?

No way. No freakin' way. This is a crazy waste of money.

Besides...I prefer to think Kink is irreplaceable.

A Festivus For The Rest Of Us

Yes, there will be an airing of the grievances & feats of strength...

Yes, there will be an aluminum pole...

Must be Festivus!

Read about the merriment at
The Real Festivus

Happy Festivus to you & yours.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Time's Person/Persons Of The Year...

The Blogosphere!

Bloggers took on the mainstream media and won...and in their pajamas, no less!

Perhaps that would be too controversial a choice especially coming from an instrument of the mainstream media...

There's always President George W. Bush.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Trekkie Alert

Looking for a Christmas gift for a Trekkie who has everything Trek?

OK, maybe you're the Trekkie & are shopping for yourself?

Here's something I'll bet few Trekkies have in their collections...

An Edith Keeler action figure from Star Trek: The City On The Edge Of Forever can be found at Action Figure Planet

I didn't even know they made one of these.

Live Long & Prosper...

Moore In The Vecinity?

This just looks like an incident involving methane & hydrogen sulfide gas, a lighter, & Michael Moore's big lardbutt...

In reality it's a target missile, a simulated ICBM with a mock warhead, that was launched without problem from Kodiak, Alaska, at 12:45 a.m. EST, a statement from the Defense Department's Missile Defense Agency said.

However, 16 minutes later, an "unknown anomaly" led to an automatic shutdown of the interceptor missile shortly before it was to launch from the Ronald Reagan Test Site at Kwajalein Atoll in the central Pacific Ocean.

Unfortunately, the target missile crashed into the ocean.

Back to the drawing board, guys. This isn't rocket, well it is...but if anyone can make it work, it's the U.S.A.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Madonna's Re-Invention Tour

Madonna's blockbuster Re-Invention tour is the year's top tour, reaching a total box office gross of $125 million.

Extreme Sport

Ouch... : PSV Eindhoven's Johann Vogel (R) is kicked by Panathinaikos' Silvio Maric during their group E European Buttkicking Champions League game in Athens.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Rage At The Machine

At least 10 percent of high-tech gifts this holiday season may fall victim to "computer rage" - acts of uncontrolled frustration by their owners - estimates University of Maryland professor Kent Norman, a cognitive psychologist who directs the Laboratory for Automation Psychology and Decision Processes.

To help keep these new gifts intact, Norman recommends that users find unconventional ways to let off some steam on old computer equipment, such as barbequing a computer mouse, cleaning a computer in a carwash or chopping a keyboard in half.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Back At The Spider Hole

One year after Saddam Hussein was dragged out of a spider hole in Iraq, his spider friend reminisces about life with the dictator.

"Saddam didn't even say goodbye," said Heteropoda venatoria, also known as Spidey. "It's been very quiet around here since he left."

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Virtual Bubblewrap

Want that satisfying feeling of popping bubblewrap without the guilty feeling of having ruined a perfectly good piece of bubblewrap once you popped it?

Pop your heart out at the virtual bubblewrap site HERE

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Botany Bay

Singer/songwriter Josh Ritter has signed a new deal with indie label V2 Records, which will reissue his latest album, 'Hello Starling,' on Feb. 22. The set will be bundled with an EP of tracks recently recorded live in Dublin, where Ritter has become something of a sensation.

Ritter, above, is seen removing a Ceti eel from his ear, most likely acquired during a recent visit to Ceti Alpha V as part of the tour promoting the new album.

The eels are the last surviving lifeform indigenous to Ceti Alpha V, following the explosion of Ceti Alpha VI.

Chloracne From Dioxin?

MEDICAL experts have confirmed that Viktor Yushchenko, Ukraine’s opposition leader, was poisoned in an attempt on his life during election campaigning.

Doctors at Vienna’s exclusive Rudolfinerhaus clinic are within days of identifying the substance that left Mr Yushchenko’s face disfigured with cysts and lesions.

A likely culprit is high dose exposure to dioxin which causes chloracne, a serious skin disorder that begins with an acne-like appearance 2 to 4 weeks after exposure, & which progresses to pus-filled boils, pimples, sebaceous cysts and inflammation that can be transient or persist for years.

It is impossible to say with the limited information we have been provided, namely whether Mr. Yushchenko has also suffered gastroinstestinal symptoms, eye irritation, and abnormal levels of liver enzymes [GGT, AAT, and ALU-U] indicators of liver damage. All likely symptoms of high dose dioxin exposure.

Time will tell what really happened to Mr. Yushchenko, but one thing is clear, there are powerful forces at work in Russia who don't want him elected and he is brave indeed to stand up to them.

Cartoons Have Skeletons?

Did you ever wonder what your favorite cartoon character's skeleton looked like?

Did you ever even think about cartoon characters having a skeleton?

Artist Michael Paulus did & he has drawn a bunch of very clever ones here

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Ashlee Sings

Singer Ashlee Simpson performs 'Nothing New' during an AOL Music Live concert at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles December 6, 2004, while her band played 'Giving It All Away.'

[The BLOG note: this is a satirical post & not meant to impugn or otherwise malign
Ms. Simpson's impeccable career.]

Beijing Smog

Beijingers have been warned to stay indoors as thick smog blankets the city for a third day, with hospitals reporting increasing numbers of people seeking treatment for respiratory problems.

Dancers have been instructed to flap their arms really, really fast to help dissipate the thick smog.

Agricultural Purposes...

A handout picture released by Iran's Defence Industries Organization (DIO) shows a Shahab-3 ballistic missile which Iran vows to use for agricultural purposes and strip mining only.

Remember Pearl Harbor.

"Lest We Forget"
December 7, 1941

Monday, December 06, 2004

The Other First Lady?

Rock legend, Elton John, was one of six recipients of 27th annual Kennedy Center Honors who were saluted for their lifetime contributions to American culture through the performing arts.

Actor Robert Downey Jr., who introduced Elton John, said three phrases came to mind when he thought of John: "genius, life saver, the other first lady." The audience gave Downey's introduction a rather frosty reception... until Elton came onstage, dazzling in blue.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Microscopic Organism Of Interest

The investigation into the purloined inflatable Spongebob Squarepants balloons atop Burger King restaurants in 7 states is ongoing, however, police in Sheboygan, Wisconsin are questioning a person of interest in the case.

When asked about his whereabouts on the day the balloons went missing, Plankton, a Bikini Bottom restauranteur, insisted that he was floating atop the sea with algae and protozoan friends & nowhere near the Burker King.

Christmas Greetings From The White House

A Christmas card arrived at our house a few days ago with a Crawford,Texas postmark

Here's a peek inside...

The front cover of the card looks like this:

Merry Christmas to you & Laura, Mr. President. Thank you for thinking of us.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

End To Extremism

Muslims offer Friday prayers led by the imam, or head cleric, of the Grand Mosque in Mecca, Islam's holiest city in Saudi Arabia, in Faisal mosque of Islamabad, Pakistan on Dec. 3, 2004 and made a call for an end to extremism among Muslims.

The imam's call for an end to extremism among Muslims was promptly ignored by the assembled crowd.

Friday, December 03, 2004


Want to see some incredible art work, go to zoomquilt.

Weird, wacky stuff...

Live Long & Prosper?

Dr. Carl P. Valenziano surgically amputated Tirso Furcal's extra digit recently at the Liberty Health Jersey City Medical Center.

When asked if cosmetic appearance was the main reason for undergoing the surgical procedure, Mr. Furcal said he just got sick & tired of Trekkers shooting him the Vulcan salute.

Camel Spiders Invade Fallujah

Iraqi sheik, Sheik Mahdi Saleh Al-Sumide'i spoke to Syrian TV in August 2004, claiming that Allah sent giant spiders to the town of Fallujah to help its residents fend off attacks by U.S. military forces.

In an article from World Net Daily, Al-Sumide'i continued: "The first miracle that occurred in Fallujah took the form of spiders that appeared in the city – each spider larger than this chair, or about the size of this chair. The American soldiers [above] holding the legs of this spider, and I too, in one of the Friday sermons, held up a spider, with all its magnitude, in front of the satellite channels and in front of the world. This spider also had thin black hair. If this hair touches the human body, within a short period of time the body becomes black or blue, and then there is an explosion in the blood cells in the human body - and the person dies."

A closer examination of the facts surrounding these "claims" of giant spider foot soldiers for Allah proves that Baghdad Bob wasn't the only delusional Iraqi in town.

A thorough explanation of this urban legend can be found at . Just ask the search engine for camel spiders.

It is worth the read.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Fudd Finds Fault

Elmer Fudd, famous sidekick of Bugs Bunny, has spoken out against NBC Nightly News replacement anchor, Brian Williams.

"There's no way he can wepwace Tom Bwo-kwa in my opi-wion."

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Brokaw Steps Down

NBC Nightly News anchor Tom Brokaw announced today he is stepping down after 21 years on the job.

The announcement came during The Today Show where the staff toasted Brokaw's years of service with champagne. "It's been a gwait, gwait pwiv-widge," Brokaw said before becoming visibly overcome with emotion.

Godzilla destroys Hollywood

Seconds after being awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Godzilla employs his radioactive breath to destroy everything that got in his way in the Hollywood suburb.

Japanese scientists had warned the Walk of Fame committee that Godzilla's brain was incapable of comprehending the meaning of an honorary award. "We advised the Americans to just let sleeping Gojira lie in the mountain, but no, they wouldn't listen." said Dr. Inoshiro Tanaka, Director of Monster Island near Tokyo.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Hurrican Season Ends...Officially

Just a reminder...
Nature doesn't follow artificial human constructs such as calendars.

Officially hurricane season is over, but we Floridians will continue to keep plenty of plywood on hand as we watch the tropics with no small trepidation.

Separated At Birth

Evil arch-villain, Mojo Jojo, has admitted that he and Kojo Annan are fraternal twins who were separated at birth. Mr. Jojo explained that he was adopted by the Jojos, while Kojo was adopted by the Annans.

Mojo admits to repeated attempts at conquering the world and spreading evil, but denies any complicity in the scandal that has embroiled his brother Kojo, the Swiss firm Cotecna, and the U.N. Oil For Food program. "We're not even close." Mojo confided.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Ukrainians Demand New Election

Mooshski, a feline denizen of the Ukraine, decrees that a new election for president will be conducted in order to end the weeklong stand off in the bitterly divided former Soviet republic.

Chocolate Cough Rx

Theobromine, an ingredient in chocolate, has been found to be nearly 1/3 more effective in stopping persistent coughs than codeine & with fewer side effects.

Test trials will continue, especially after one patient, pictured above, reported that his persistent coughing had subsided, however, he reported subsequently developing a generalized feeling of ickiness all over his body.

Researchers add that perhaps they will switch to an oral preparation rather than the topical ointment they've been testing.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Mystery ailment surrounds Yushchenko

Mystery surrounds Ukraine's popular pro-Western opposition leader's mystery ailment.

Since 9/10/04, Viktor Yushchenko's appearance-altering sickness has twice prompted him to check into Vienna's private Rudolfinerhaus clinic. Speculation of the cause of the mystery ailment has run the gamut from bad sushi to deliberate poisoning by his enemies using toxins from biological weapons.

Attending physician, Dr. Nicolai Korpan, who oversaw treatment at the exclusive Rudolfinerhaus clinic, says the cause of Yushchenko's illness is "totally open". When pressed, however, Dr. Korpan added, "I have never seen eating bad sushi induce a teardrop-shaped head in any of my other patients."

Saturday, November 27, 2004

The only good Che...

Burlington Coat Factory's idiotic holiday ad campaign in Time magazine features baby
onesies with photos of communist revolutionary & mass murderer, Che Guevara, on the front.

As a result of this poor judgement call, well-intentioned people are calling for a boycott of Burlington Coat Factory on December 4th, 2004.

Boycott, if you want, but remember:

A boycott will hurt BCF stockholders who probably didn't approve of or even know about this particular clothing line.

A boycott will hurt other clothing lines sold at BCF who don't make "chic" fashion statements with the likes of bloody killers.

The BLOG believes the proper response is for people not to buy this CRUD! Leave it on the shelves. Walk on by & spend your money on something else.

That way, only the leftist BCF buyer who ordered this odious merchandise line will suffer & not the innocents who had nothing to do with the decision to market mass murder by glorifying a failed revolutionary as icon.

It has been my experience that most supporters of el Che don't have a good handle on the study of history, because if they did, they would realize the lunacy of their actions & similar to wearing a UBL shirt today. It is a mistake to glorify the perverted ideation of these men & the deaths & suferring it has caused in the world.

However, if you must have a Che shirt, The BLOG recommends one like this:

...a dead Che is the best Che.

[The BLOG wants to thank and for bringing the whole thing to our attention]

Friday, November 26, 2004

Can Dan Completely

CBS should toss Anchor Rather from the U.S.S. 60 Minutes before he runs that ship into a sandbar.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Retiring Rather

CBS Evening News anchor, Dan Rather, pictured here in happier times with a close friend, has announced he is stepping down from the anchor position in March 2005.

Rather will continue to push his liberal agenda fulltime as a news correspondent for 60 Minutes I and II.

Ol' Dirty Bastard...

Telling The BLOG that reports of his recent death were highly exaggerated, Ol' Dirty Bastard was found sleeping in a cardboard box on the streets of Hong Kong.

The old dirty bastard also told us he goes by Stinky, for short.

Dentition As Art

Bulgarian born American artist Christo & his wife, French born American Jean-Claude, announce their newest collaborative project, "The Gates" in Central Park, NY.

Consisting of 7,500 gates with hanging saffron-colored fabric panels lining 23 miles of pedestrian paths, the project was insprired by Jean-Claude's large saffron-colored teeth, and will be unfurled in February, 2005.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Time on their hands.

Pistons & Pacers basketball brawlers have volunteered to serve as jurors for the penalty phase of the Scott Peterson trial if a new jury is allowed by the court.

Bongos in Chile

Madcap hilarity ensues at the Asian Pacific summit in Santiago, Chile as President Bush prepares to play bongos atop the head of the Chilean President, Ricardo Lagos.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Puffy Museum Piece Pilfered

Two days after being immortalized in the Smithsonian Institute as a pop culture icon, The Puffy Shirt from the Seinfeld show, was stolen by aging actor, Sean Connery.

When pressed for comment, Mr. Connery implicated Crazy Joe Divola as a co-conspirator in the theft.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Clinton Lie-brary

The 165,ooo square foot Clinton Presidential Center in Little Rock, Arkansas, brought to us courtesy of rich contributors such as songwriter Denise Rich, ex-wife of fugitive financier, Marc Rich, who was pardoned by Clinton in exchange for a hefty $450,000 donation to the Clinton Library Fund.

$165 million for a monolithic glass & steel edifice that looks like a trailer.

How fitting is that?

Friday, November 19, 2004

Second chance for Leonids tonight

In case you didn't see any meteor showers on Wednesday, some meteor researchers
such as Jeremie Vaubaillon of France, David Asher of Ireland and Esko Lyytinen of Finland, who have examined Leonid prospects for this year, suggest watching for some meteor activity on Nov. 19, as well.

Michael Moore Europe bound

Angered by Kerry's election loss, millionaire "documentary" filmmaker, Michael Moore, has chartered a tanker to sail his big lardbutt to Europe.

Perhaps you should super-size that tanker...

Bush basher get the boot!

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin booted a vocal anti-Bush critic from the Liberal Party's parliamentary caucus on Thursday, further weakening his minority government's already tenuous grip on power.

MP Carolyn Parrish, known for stomping on a Bush doll, was herself given the boot by PM Martin, not for her outspoken anti-Americanism, but for criticising PM Martin's leadership.

Perhaps ex-MP Parrish should invest in a Musical Therapy Turtle.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Angry cow!

A second case of mad cow disease may have turned up in the United States but the suspect meat has not entered the food chain, Agriculture Department officials said Thursday, as they headed out to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch.

When asked if the American meat supply was safe, Agriculture Department officials said it was perfectly safe, as long as you didn't ingest it.

Treatment for P.E.S.T. sufferers

Post Election Stress Trauma (P.E.S.T) got you down?

Still seriously bummed about Kerry's election loss?

Try a little musical turtle therapy. His soothing song provides instant stress relief. Activates with a hand clap or a press of a button.

The perfect gift for the distraught Democrats in your life.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Colin out; Condi in

Dr.Condoleezza Rice is chosen to be America's 66th Secretary of State, an office first held by Thomas Jefferson.

As President Bush said, "The Secretary of State is America's face to the world. And, in Dr. Rice, the world will see the strength, the grace and the decency of our country."

The genesis of the name Condoleezza is amusing. Her parents loved music and were influenced by the term, 'Con Dolcezza', which in Italian means, 'sweetly, softly'.
If one's name is any indication of success, Dr. Rice has the perfect one for the job.

Condi will get America's point across to the world, sweetly & softly, without ruffling any feathers.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Leonid meteor showers

Leonids are leftover bits of debris from comet Tempel-Tuttle which swings by earth every 33 years. T.T. has dozens of these debris trails & they are concentrated in a spot the Earth encounters every November.

To watch this year's shower, head outside after midnight tonight, & scan the skies. If its clear, you won't be able to miss them.

Memo to Move on!

From The Washington Times:

"A liberal tax-exempt organization that raised millions of dollars to try to defeat President Bush has begun a petition and fund-raising campaign questioning the legitimacy of his Nov. 2 victory., which says it has 2.3 million members, is asking for signatures and cash to challenge through an "Investigate the Vote" campaign whether voters "were wrongly prevented from voting" and whether legitimate votes were "miscounted or not counted at all." The organization, which received significant financial help from billionaire currency trader George Soros, who spent millions to defeat Mr. Bush, is looking to present petitions to members of Congress to demand an investigation into "the integrity of the voting process" during the November elections. "

You want to blow your money, go right ahead. You're free to do so. Really. G'ahead.

But guess what, you still don't get it & , at the rate you're going, you never will.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Get a grip, dude

Another tragic tale of Post-election stress trauma:

From PAGE SIX : VINCENT D'Onofrio, the star of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," passed out while shooting the hit TV series yesterday morning — prompting insiders to gossip that the actor is "losing it."
"Ever since John Kerry lost the election, [D'Onofrio] has lost his [bleep,]" said our on-set insider.
"He has been getting into fistfights with people, and when he passed out today, we all thought he was faking it. But then he insisted they call 911." D'Onofrio, a big Kerry supporter, was said to be devastated over President Bush's re-election. "When PAGE SIX [last week] wrote about 'Law & Order' putting up signs forbidding political discussions on set, it was funny," our source said. "Those signs were put up because of [D'Onofrio]." About a month before the election, D'Onofrio "insisted" on putting up anti-Bush posters and fliers, "and would attack anyone who disagreed with him," the spy added. D'Onofrio's co-stars, Kathryn Erbe, Jamey Sheridan and Courtney B. Vance, are said to be fed up with his antics. "No one — and I do mean no one — talks to him anymore," the insider added. [Page Six]

I don't know about you, but I find it very comforting that the typical American voter doesn't agree with Vincent's views, but that's just me.

Early Kerry-Heinz photo

The BLOG exclusive...early photos of John Kerry & then girlfriend, Tuh-Ray-Zuh Heinz, as she checks his teeth prior to agreeing to his marriage proposal.

Beam me up, Scotty.

This Star Trek Communicator uses Bluetooth to connect to your cell phone as a hands free device, meaning you can keep your actual phone in your inside pocket and use the Communicator like it was the real deal.

Cool, huh?

I think I'll wait for the model that clips on to your shirt making it a truly hands free hands free device.

Comrade Strom

Senator Strom Thurmond (R-SC) was the nation's longest serving senator. It was public knowledge that Thurmond changed his public opposition to segregation, but few were aware that before his death in 2003, he became a Communist Chinese.