Monday, August 22, 2005

Tom Zaps Oprah!

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From News.com.au comes news that loony Tom Cruise is doing everything in his considerable power to convert Oprah to the cultish faith of Scientology. In addition to zapping her with purple rays (shown above), crazy Cruise recently bought a house two doors away from Oprah in the glamorous suburb of Santa Barbara, California, so that under the guise of being a good neighbor, he can zap her with the mind control scientology rays with impunity.

Fellow Scientologist and Pulp Fiction star John Travolta is also trying to woo Oprah into joining the nutty cult by recently presenting her with a $700,000 Bentley car for her birthday.

Oprah would be a huge catch for the Scientologists, one internet site announced this week, and you can almost see Cruise's eyes gleaming at the prospect. Another adds: "If Oprah falls into the hands of Scientology, who can tell what influence she might have on the population? The prospect is terrifying."

All I can say is, "Oprah, you don't go there, girl!"

10 comments:

The Quiet Traveler said...

hopefully, she is bigger than that, but you know it will be a show.

cube said...

I hope she's smarter than that. Scientology is a crock.

tlm said...

You know what this means, don't you? Every brainwashed woman in this country will run out to buy a copy of "Dianetics"... a new Oprah's Book Club selection. Very frightening.

(Heh... Take that, Faulkner! Your incredibly boring stories are no match for the loony religious/sci-fi writings of L. Ron Hubbard.)

Publius Rendezvous said...

tlm,
You are exactly right, sadly....

To be a conspiracy theorist, could this be Tom's ploy....?

Pappy said...

Oprah can only do harm to the faith.

Pappy
Mackin with Pappy

Stew Magoo said...

L Ron is a great and entertaining author. Whacked with the whole religious thing, but a great author.

enjoy the blog

cube said...

I always thought L. Ron was a science fiction writer. Scientology is science fiction. I mean have you heard about the aliens in the volcano?

Jeff said...

I had heard that Scientologists state Tom has reached level 6 of 8, and that he has accumulated most of the knowledge of the universe, or some junk like that. Anyway, I had to laugh.

kajira said...

Amen, Cubey! Psst.. Oprah... you're smarter than that, aren't you?

cube said...

I hope Oprah is smarter than that, but making tons o'money doesn't necessarily mean you're smart. Look at Hollywood.